Let It Be

Not even going to speak to the fact I have not been on here forever. Oh wait I just did. Funny how easy it is to not do some things in our life we really desire to do. So here I go again to make another run at blogging. Maybe this time it will stick.

Had a few thoughts this morning that I wanted to share with someone. I really struggle sometimes with the way I am wired-up which seems to to be very different than the norm. Here are a few things I believe and things I am pursuing and maybe they are not as normal as I think they are or should be. Here is the short list this morning.

1) Being is more important than doing.

2) God's love is more important than the praise of people.

3) Being together is better than being alone.

My life is driven by a desire to live in community. Community with God, my wife and kids and the world around me. I believe that above list is connected to this and when you leave out one is messes up the pursuit of community.

I wonder why doing is so important? Why is it so hard to just be who we are and rest and relax in that?

Why do we make people so BIG and God so small?

If we are all honest with ourselves which is sometimes hard if we are busy doing all the time. Don't we desperately want to be in community and relationship with people who love us not because of what we do but because of who we are?

I hope over the holidays you can rest and just be. For many this is almost impossible. I hope you can reflect on God's unique and powerful love for you. And I hope you will spend time with others you love and who love you.

Peace, todd

Haircuts and Church

I had a beautiful random conversation with the lady who cut my hair today. I have moved to a place in my life where I just pull up to a hair salon walk in and take my chances. I figure it's just hair it will grow back. Today this women was obviously struggling a little. She did not have a clue what I do (ministry) which probably helped the conversation get started. 

She started discussing freedom and that she did not have any. She was slave to the chair I was sitting in, slave to the man who financed her car, basically a slave to her circumstances. I listened and I believe I understood where she was coming from. What I really heard was a women who wants more for her life. I saw a women who had been wounded by people and the world we live in, some of the choices she has made. I saw a women who was looking for some hope.

I mentioned it must be really hard being a single mom. She stopped cutting my hair and came around and looked at me. We had not been talking about that, but it seemed to connect. She looked at me and said, "yeah, it really is." I seemed to connect with some of her pain and the conversation shifted. She teared up. The conversation shifted and turned much more personal. 

I finally had to share with her what I do. Ask her not to hold that against me. She was gracious but quickly said she did not go to church. She had tried it over and over but it did not work for her. 

I apologized for God's people not representing Him very well. I shared with her that God understood where she was at and had some answers. That freedom can be found in Jesus and it has nothing to do with our external circumstances but with what he is doing in our hearts. We visited a few minutes more and I left her with tears in her eyes but also a smile. A smile that seemed more hopeful than it had been before the conversation started.

I was reminded how the world will always disappoint, but that God is faithful. Reminded that God is redeeming his creation today. His heart is to make everything new. I like that about him. I was also reminded church is so much more than an hour on Sunday. The best church happens during the week, when we are sensitive to where the Spirit is moving and we jump in for the ride.

Peace, todd

Keeping It Real

Have you ever noticed the Bibles speaks truths that are sometimes very uncomfortable? A friend recently was sharing a story with me of how they were providing council to another friend. They made the comment, "I just ask them, what is your heart saying?" The idea was that this persons heart would be a good indicator of the right thing. My first thought was "not so fast my friend." 

I was reminded of God's word in Jeremiah 17:9. Which says this. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" I don't like that idea, but I believe it is true. In Romans 7, Paul tells us  that sin is deceitful. Both of those passages are good reminders for me. I think the world is full of self-deceived people. I think often I am self-deceived. 

This really bothers me. As much as I want to trust my heart, I know that often, it is flat out wrong. The challenge is that often my heart will try and protect me from pain. The reality of truth is that it often causes my heart to ache. When I look at the condition of this world through God's eyes my heart aches. When I am honest about my short comings and sin my heart aches. When I honestly examine the state of the church today there are pains in my heart. 

I am reminded if I am not careful my heart will deceive me. I will convince myself that all is fine. No worries, no problems, life is good. I can easily find someone to compare myself to and decide I am doing much better than that guy. What happens is, if  I stay in that place very long I become plastic. I start to loose my true identity and worse I start to loose my hunger and need for God.

I so much want to be real. To live with true authenticity. To expose my heart to God so that his Spirit can change it and make it new. I am asking God to create a clean heart and a steadfast spirit in me. A heart that feels the pain that is a reality in this life and reminds me that I was not created for this life. That I am on a pilgrimage, on my way home to be with the Father.

But while I am here he will give me a new heart. He will breath life into my dead heart and even allow me to share that life with others. I believe that Jesus did come that we might have life and have it more abundantly, and that life is now. 

I am reminded it starts with an honest heart. A heart that feels both the pain and joy of this life. A heart that I am reminded today, desperately needs Jesus.

Peace, todd

Blessings Anyone?

Do you ever find it hard to receive a blessing? Could be from a friend, a spouse maybe even from God. You are grateful but feel a little uneasy about it. I find blessings a very funny thing. I desire them, sometimes feel like I deserve one and then it happens and I'm not sure what to do with it.

Most of  us are familiar with the idea that "it is more blessed to give than receive." I certainly find it easier to give than receive. But this idea does not eliminate receiving. Sometime we take ideas from scripture and make them mean more or different than the original idea. Giving is a blessing but it is also OK to receive.  As children of God we are also taught to be needy of the things of God. If we are needy and I am, we would also need to expect and receive blessings.

I believe it is God's heart to bless us. But here is where it gets a little confusing. I believe he blesses us with what we need and not so much what we want. Sometimes as a child of God I get confused with needs and wants. Mason would eat cereal for every meal if I allowed that. I would not be a blessing to him to give him permission to do that. It would not be unhealthy.

The other part that gets screwy for me is thinking blessings are earned. If I'm a good boy God will bless me. That some how I deserve the blessings. Then the blessings become about my worthiness and good behavior. I try to earn them and then loose the joy when it happens.

Here is what I'm trying to grasp today. It is God's nature to bless me. Not because I'm good but because he is good. God's blessings are not about me deserving anything, it is about his nature to bless his children. More about him less about me.

It would be such a blessing if I could get that!

Peace, todd

Random Control

Wow! I have been away for a while. Trying to get back in the blogging groove.

I am currently reading a book titled The Black Swan. It is a very cool book. At least the parts I understand. Here is the basic idea of a Black Swan. A Black Swan is a highly improbable event with three principal characteristics: It is unpredictable; it carries massive impact; and here is my favorite part; after the fact, we concoct an explanation that makes it appear less random, and more predictable, than it was. 

In layman terms, life is much more random than we would like to believe. The author has created some very interesting thoughts for me. I know we are a people that love order and we prefer to be able to explain everything. We are actually pretty good at this. But I wonder sometimes if it is a defense mechanism. I wonder, if in our attempts to explain and understand everything we are really attempting to control the events and people in our day to day lives.

The challenge with this is we tend to focus on what we already know and not so much on what we don't know. Even as we seek information or data to support our belief or view we tend to gravitate towards information that will support what we already believe.  I think we all do this, but I keep thinking it may not be the best plan. Maybe the more comforting way to go, but not always the best.

If we take this approach with culture, spouses, children, coworkers, our view of ourselves, God and many other things we run the risk of living with blinders and missing many beautiful things every day. We tend to fool ourselves into thinking we know more than we actually do. I believe when this happens we start missing opportunities to learn, grow and experience a bigger life.

God, is a great example. Many people in the world today seem to think they have him totally figured out. Just like the stock market. The truth is most stock analyst are educated gamblers, if there is such a thing. I'm pretty sure God is a little more complicated than the stock market. And yet many seem to think they have him all figured out. I'm not so sure I want to totally figure out God. I would like to think he is a little bigger and more complex than the human mind.

The danger is that when I get to a place that I have God figured out I'm not as receptive to what he might do outside of my understanding of him. God's word is full of Black Swan events that have impacted the world and we keep trying to explain most of them so that they make perfect sense and fit nicely into our limited understanding.

I think our lives are a little more random than most of us would like to believe. Not void of a plan and purpose, but not quite as easy to direct and control as we would like to believe. Maybe part of giving up our own will and submitting to God's will is understanding this. That God is moving and working in the world and in our lives but not always the way we think. God is not a God of chaos but he certainly seems to be going about things a little different than I would.

I'm not asking for any more chaos in my life. I'm just reminding myself today I don't have to have it all figured out. I'm empowered to make choices and decisions every day but there are many, many things far out of my scope of control. Doesn't need to stress me out. I can roll with it and might even learn something new about myself, my wife, God or this beautiful life going on all around me.

Peace, todd

Love Hurts

While in Mexico with some of our youth group, I jokingly started singing the song Love Hurts. Focusing on the line, "love is like a flame it burns you when it's hot." Some of the kids laughed about this and I have had a few say to me since our return, "remember Mr. Mead, love hurts." All of this was done in jest and we still have a good laugh about it. But that idea has been stuck in my head. Maybe there is some truth to this idea that "love hurts."

The song was originally written by the Everly Brothers, 48 years ago this month. Many groups and individuals have re-done the song, but the version I am most familiar with was done by a group called Nazareth in 1975. It is actually a pretty good song. Not very original. Sounds like someone got dumped by a girl friend and has now realized love has the ability to hurt you.

I have been reminded recently that there is a high risk and reward process to love. The song says "love is just a lie made to make you blue." I would disagree. It can certainly make you blue. But it is not a lie. It is essential to our existence, and well worth the risk.

I have discovered that the ones we love the most have the ability to hurt us at very deep levels. To fully give our hearts away is a scary proposition. It leaves us naked and exposed. This is always a risk.  The truth is some people refuse to take that risk. They think they can protect themselves from pain and then try to experience some small level of love that always leaves them wanting more. It happens in marriages, friendships, parents and children and children and parents, even fully loving ourselves.

The opening line says this, "Love hurts, love scars." I would agree. But maybe the scars simply reflect that we are alive. I think we should get to the end of our time here and have a few scars because we chose to love. You can play it safe and sit on the sideline, never allow your heart to fully love. You may pursue a life that will never experience the battle scars of love. If you take that path, your marriage will never be all it could be. Your friendships will never go to the level you desire them to be. You will not leave the imprint on the world that God intended for you to leave.

Go ahead, be risky. I guess love does hurt, but the blessings of fully loving, quickly wash away the pain.

I am reminded that God's word tells us that "God is love." With that thought I will leave you with a quote I found, from Sir James M. Barrie.

"If you have it (love), you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have."

Peace, todd

Shout Out To Blessings!

Just got back from an incredible week in Mexico. I went with our youth group and my beautiful daughter, Madison. Will need a few post to share some of that experience. It was pretty cool. Today as I get back to reality, I'm thinking about little blessings in life. 

Often these are little things that we tend to miss and they are happening all around us every day. Here is the challenge though. I think some of the greatest blessings are the ones that happen when we are not looking for them. You ever been disappointed on Christmas day or maybe a birthday. You were expecting something big and it was not quite as big as you had built it up to be in your mind. Those are blessing that we are expecting. Kind of like doing something for someone and then expecting a certain response and when we don't get the response we are a little bummed. Again, we are looking for an expected blessing. Expected blessings lead to disappointment.

Blessing are like gifts. I think they mean more when we don't expect them. A couple of weeks ago I got a SIGG water bottle from a couple of friends. (Thanks Karen and Karla) I was not expecting to get a water bottle and certainly not one with such a high cool factor. It made my day and every time I use it, I'm reminded of little blessings. Plus, I think water taste better when drinking from a SIGG.

While I'm writing this I'm listening to, We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things, by Jason Mraz. Besides a great title, he has a very cool sound, one of the types of music I really enjoy. I did not know anything about Mraz last week. I was talking about music with some of our teens. They put this in for me to listen to. They turned me on to several musicians that were new to me. Aside from having to spend money on some new tunes, a cool unexpected blessing. 

My water bottle and new music have reminded me to be more aware of the little daily blessings of life. They remind me to be more sensitive to what is going on around me each day and not miss the little things. 

I am also reminded of all the people that bless me every day. Pretty amazing if you think about it. How God puts people in our lives that bless us. I want to be that person. The one who is a blessing. How about you?

Peace,