Random Control

Wow! I have been away for a while. Trying to get back in the blogging groove.

I am currently reading a book titled The Black Swan. It is a very cool book. At least the parts I understand. Here is the basic idea of a Black Swan. A Black Swan is a highly improbable event with three principal characteristics: It is unpredictable; it carries massive impact; and here is my favorite part; after the fact, we concoct an explanation that makes it appear less random, and more predictable, than it was. 

In layman terms, life is much more random than we would like to believe. The author has created some very interesting thoughts for me. I know we are a people that love order and we prefer to be able to explain everything. We are actually pretty good at this. But I wonder sometimes if it is a defense mechanism. I wonder, if in our attempts to explain and understand everything we are really attempting to control the events and people in our day to day lives.

The challenge with this is we tend to focus on what we already know and not so much on what we don't know. Even as we seek information or data to support our belief or view we tend to gravitate towards information that will support what we already believe.  I think we all do this, but I keep thinking it may not be the best plan. Maybe the more comforting way to go, but not always the best.

If we take this approach with culture, spouses, children, coworkers, our view of ourselves, God and many other things we run the risk of living with blinders and missing many beautiful things every day. We tend to fool ourselves into thinking we know more than we actually do. I believe when this happens we start missing opportunities to learn, grow and experience a bigger life.

God, is a great example. Many people in the world today seem to think they have him totally figured out. Just like the stock market. The truth is most stock analyst are educated gamblers, if there is such a thing. I'm pretty sure God is a little more complicated than the stock market. And yet many seem to think they have him all figured out. I'm not so sure I want to totally figure out God. I would like to think he is a little bigger and more complex than the human mind.

The danger is that when I get to a place that I have God figured out I'm not as receptive to what he might do outside of my understanding of him. God's word is full of Black Swan events that have impacted the world and we keep trying to explain most of them so that they make perfect sense and fit nicely into our limited understanding.

I think our lives are a little more random than most of us would like to believe. Not void of a plan and purpose, but not quite as easy to direct and control as we would like to believe. Maybe part of giving up our own will and submitting to God's will is understanding this. That God is moving and working in the world and in our lives but not always the way we think. God is not a God of chaos but he certainly seems to be going about things a little different than I would.

I'm not asking for any more chaos in my life. I'm just reminding myself today I don't have to have it all figured out. I'm empowered to make choices and decisions every day but there are many, many things far out of my scope of control. Doesn't need to stress me out. I can roll with it and might even learn something new about myself, my wife, God or this beautiful life going on all around me.

Peace, todd

Love Hurts

While in Mexico with some of our youth group, I jokingly started singing the song Love Hurts. Focusing on the line, "love is like a flame it burns you when it's hot." Some of the kids laughed about this and I have had a few say to me since our return, "remember Mr. Mead, love hurts." All of this was done in jest and we still have a good laugh about it. But that idea has been stuck in my head. Maybe there is some truth to this idea that "love hurts."

The song was originally written by the Everly Brothers, 48 years ago this month. Many groups and individuals have re-done the song, but the version I am most familiar with was done by a group called Nazareth in 1975. It is actually a pretty good song. Not very original. Sounds like someone got dumped by a girl friend and has now realized love has the ability to hurt you.

I have been reminded recently that there is a high risk and reward process to love. The song says "love is just a lie made to make you blue." I would disagree. It can certainly make you blue. But it is not a lie. It is essential to our existence, and well worth the risk.

I have discovered that the ones we love the most have the ability to hurt us at very deep levels. To fully give our hearts away is a scary proposition. It leaves us naked and exposed. This is always a risk.  The truth is some people refuse to take that risk. They think they can protect themselves from pain and then try to experience some small level of love that always leaves them wanting more. It happens in marriages, friendships, parents and children and children and parents, even fully loving ourselves.

The opening line says this, "Love hurts, love scars." I would agree. But maybe the scars simply reflect that we are alive. I think we should get to the end of our time here and have a few scars because we chose to love. You can play it safe and sit on the sideline, never allow your heart to fully love. You may pursue a life that will never experience the battle scars of love. If you take that path, your marriage will never be all it could be. Your friendships will never go to the level you desire them to be. You will not leave the imprint on the world that God intended for you to leave.

Go ahead, be risky. I guess love does hurt, but the blessings of fully loving, quickly wash away the pain.

I am reminded that God's word tells us that "God is love." With that thought I will leave you with a quote I found, from Sir James M. Barrie.

"If you have it (love), you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have."

Peace, todd

Shout Out To Blessings!

Just got back from an incredible week in Mexico. I went with our youth group and my beautiful daughter, Madison. Will need a few post to share some of that experience. It was pretty cool. Today as I get back to reality, I'm thinking about little blessings in life. 

Often these are little things that we tend to miss and they are happening all around us every day. Here is the challenge though. I think some of the greatest blessings are the ones that happen when we are not looking for them. You ever been disappointed on Christmas day or maybe a birthday. You were expecting something big and it was not quite as big as you had built it up to be in your mind. Those are blessing that we are expecting. Kind of like doing something for someone and then expecting a certain response and when we don't get the response we are a little bummed. Again, we are looking for an expected blessing. Expected blessings lead to disappointment.

Blessing are like gifts. I think they mean more when we don't expect them. A couple of weeks ago I got a SIGG water bottle from a couple of friends. (Thanks Karen and Karla) I was not expecting to get a water bottle and certainly not one with such a high cool factor. It made my day and every time I use it, I'm reminded of little blessings. Plus, I think water taste better when drinking from a SIGG.

While I'm writing this I'm listening to, We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things, by Jason Mraz. Besides a great title, he has a very cool sound, one of the types of music I really enjoy. I did not know anything about Mraz last week. I was talking about music with some of our teens. They put this in for me to listen to. They turned me on to several musicians that were new to me. Aside from having to spend money on some new tunes, a cool unexpected blessing. 

My water bottle and new music have reminded me to be more aware of the little daily blessings of life. They remind me to be more sensitive to what is going on around me each day and not miss the little things. 

I am also reminded of all the people that bless me every day. Pretty amazing if you think about it. How God puts people in our lives that bless us. I want to be that person. The one who is a blessing. How about you?

Peace,

"Amazing Grace" I Want Some Of That!

Guilt is a fascinating reality in my life. Guilt happens for me when I "should of on myself." Just for the record, you shouldn't "should of on yourself." Wait, I think I just did. See, this guilt thing gets real screwy.

This morning  Mason, Doug and I were going through our workout out front. My neighbor comes out to leave for work and says, "you guys are making me feel guilty", and ready, here it comes. She said "I should be working out." She dropped the dreaded, "should of" on herself. It reminded me that feeling guilty is my choice. Guilt is climbing in a bath full of condemnation and choosing to sit in it for a while. God's word says, "there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

Michael broke both his wrist in a basketball game Saturday night. We were playing in a tournament and I was coaching. The game had gotten out of hand. We were up by 60 and several guys had been trying to get a dunk. I was a little uncomfortable with that wanting the guys to finish the game and move on to the next one with no injuries. Michael had already gotten a sweet dunk, his first in a game and wanted one more. He went up to dunk with two hands and swung to much, his hands came off the rim and he feel head first, broke his fall with his hands and broke both wrists. I have chosen to feel guilty about that all week. Feeling like I could have prevented it from happening.

Guilt is like a stinky shirt we choose to put on and wear. I am weary of wearing a stinky shirt all week. My neighbors words reminded me this morning that it was my choice. I had chosen to "should of on myself."  I put it on and I can take it off.

I am reminded today that God's grace is sufficient. You and I were not created to walk through this life being burdened by guilt. I just wish it weren't so hard to extend that grace to myself.

Peace, 

 

Fathers Day and Rain

I am still processing fathers day! That particular day has always been a struggle for me. Growing up it always served as a reminder that I had no father to say, "Happy Fathers Day Dad, I Love You!" to which I'm sure he would have replied "I Love You too, son." Not having a dad presented several challenges for me.

First by not having a dad I would create in my mind what my dad would have been like. I'm sure that the father son relationship I had created in my mind was not very close to reality. The dad I created was perfect, he was a dream dad, literally and figuratively. What I have learned after being a father for 17+ years and working with teens and adults for 20+ years and is there are not any perfect dads out there.

The other challenge is that I believe dads are suppose to affirm and bless their children. I have always wanted that father blessing. I believe this father blessing, is very different and unique than any other blessing we get in this life time. With out it most of us walk through life with some type of limp. For some the limp is very noticeable and some of us hide it pretty well. But if you look close you will see it manifest itself somewhere.

Mine is now much like a bum knee that aches a little when it rains or when it is cold and damp. Just a reminder of a more serious wound that has healed.  Scar tissue that reminds me of a deeper pain I use to feel. 

Fathers day is like a cold rain. There is a little ache in the heart but not to bad.

God and Fitness

I was visiting with a friend recently. I referenced in the conversation that someone I know really wanted "security in their life." This friend mentioned he had read something about security being a form of idolatry. I have continued to think about that and I believe I would agree. 

There are some forms of security that would not be a bad thing. I attempt to secure my house every night. I check doors and make sure they are locked, check lights etc. This is a good thing to do, but I would acknowledge it has limitations. I crawl in bed feeling a little better but realize if someone wants in bad enough they will get in. So do I lay awake all night listening for any noise getting up and checking doors and windows? No I go to sleep trusting my family and I can sleep with some assurance of security. A pretty normal process for each of us.

What about relationships, money, careers, my stuff, my heath? Here is where security can get a little screwy. I want security in my relationship with my wife. I want to trust her and know that she will be there for me. But how much control do I have over her? At times in our twenty+ years together I have tried to control her. It didn't work very well for either one of us. And if it gave me any security it was an allusion, not real security. 

What about financial security? I know people who pursue it all their lives and it can be taken away in an instant. I am not suggesting we should be careless when it comes to finances. God calls us to be good stewards. But how much of our security in life is based on the balance in our checkbooks? By the way, my checkbook is not providing a great deal of security.

What about health? I work hard in this area, exercise hard (Kettlebells), eat pretty well and yet there are some things totally out of my control related to health. So how much stock do I put in health? You tracking with me here?

End of the day much of the security in this life is about control. The reality here is, I like to be in control. And when I choose that path I attempt to provide my own security. I basically choose to dismiss God, and become my own god. And shazam! I now have idolatry. 

The truth is, as much as I would like to be god. I'm not very good at it. So my friend's comments remind me, that my security needs to be in God. Trusting that he will be faithful. It's that whole enjoying today and not being anxious about tomorrow. Chasing security and trying to control this life,  robs me of my joy and peace.

Plus if I let him be God, it gives me more time to workout. 

Peace,

Mowing, Jack Johnson and God

I was edging the yard Saturday and Mason was mowing. I was reminded that life is always better together. I enjoy working in the lawn for the first few months of the summer. By August I am tired of it, although it already feels like August. To edge, weed eat and mow takes me several hours. But with Mason mowing and me edging and weed eating we were only in the yard about an hour. Perfect!

This mowing experience with my son reminded me of Jack Johnson and God. I will explain. Jack has a great song called, Better Together and God created you and I to do life in community, together with others. I really believe God created us with the understanding that life really is better when lived out together, in relationships.

Can you remember a time when you were living your life in isolation out of community with people? I believe our world is full of lonely people. There are all kinds of goofy reasons and lies we believe that lead us to a place of loneliness, isolation and out of relationship with others and God. But we were not created to do life alone. 

So if you need a little community come on over. You can pick. The mower or the edger. We can mow, get my yard looking good, go inside get a cold drink, listen to Jack and enjoy life. Because it really is better together.

Peace,