the young old man

1+1=One

2011-06-27T07:08:00.000-07:00

For the last three months I have been counseling people on a daily basis. This has been challenging, fun and at times a little overwhelming. One of the facets of counseling I really enjoy is "peeling the onion" and trying to remove the layers people tend to build so we can expose the root cause of the challenges they are facing. I like to listen and look for patterns in peoples lives that might give some insight into their problems. One pattern I see over and over is people are very disconnected. Being disconnected relationally from others causes all kinds of dysfunction for people.
If you think about it, connection is a pretty big deal. From the day we are born being connected becomes vital to a child's well being. Babies that have a strong bond with their mother and father tend to fare much better than babies who do not have a healthy connection. From childhood through adolescence people do some pretty outrageous things in an attempt to connect with the world around them. So where does this strong desire and need to connect with others come from?
I believe there is a pattern in scripture that gives us some insight. When God created Adam and Eve they were in relationship and connected with God. God gives us a design for marriage in Genesis 2:24. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. I believe the idea is that oneness requires a deep connection for a husband and a wife. A connection that is spiritual, emotional and physical. Every couple that I see are essentially saying to me in some way. "We are disconnected and I desperately want to connect with this person". Many times they are so disconnected they are not sure if a connection is possible or even desirable. But this is more than a marriage problem.
I work with many men. I am generalizing but 9 out of 10 of the men I see are disconnected. They are often disconnected from there own feelings, their wives or isolated from healthy relationships with other men. If the thief wants to "steal kill and destroy" John 10:10. His greatest strategy is to get you isolated and disconnected from healthy life giving relationships. Or his other strategy is to present connections that appear to be life giving and relationships that offer connection, but actually lead to death and more disconnect. Let me remind you he is a master of illusion.
John 17 gives us a beautiful prayer. Jesus is praying in the garden before his arrest and eventual death. He is talking with the Father and in his words you hear a deep connection to the one he prays to. In vs. 21 he prays these words, "My prayer for all of them is that they will be one just as you and I are one". I don't believe is a stretch to say Jesus wants you and I to be connected to God the way Jesus has always been connected to the Father and that he wants us to also be connected to one another. This is a pattern you see all through the narrative of scripture.
We were created to be in relationship with God and humanity. It is part of our created DNA. When we are connected in healthy relationships life works pretty well. When we are disconnected life can get crazy fast. Marriages that are connected in healthy ways are fun and life giving. Parents who are connected to their children experience more joy and less stress. Strong friendships that have a strong connection are a great blessing and help us navigate an often crazy and disconnected world.
So connection is a pretty big deal. I believe the model God has given us starts with our personal connection to him and then flows into our connection with others. Think about some of the people you are connected to. Be grateful for the way they impact your life and bring you great joy. If you are reading this and feel very disconnected from those you love and care about hang in there. If God created us for connection and I believe he did. He will give us the opportunities to experience relationships. It may require you to do some things differently so you have better receptors to connect with others. How about I share some thought on that next time.

Peace, todd

Who Stole My Joy?

2009-03-12T07:59:00.000-07:00

We live in a world that is stealing our joy. Have you noticed this phenomonon. I write today more for myself than anyone else. I have believed for years that as followers of Christ we would be a people very familiar with joy. It is one of the characteristics of a Christ follower. But can I tell you I don't see an abundance of joy in the body of Christ. I don't see an abundance of joy in my life. I really want more of it.

In fancy clinical terms there is a diagnosis for people who do not experience joy. It is called "anhedonia" the inability to experience joy. Something has gone terribly wrong in our world. People are joyless and the use of anti-depressants is at an all time high. The other side of this is the pursuit of joy in unhealthy ways, drugs, sex, pornography, stuff, status all things that after a short rush, only deplete any joy that you might have had. It is easy for me to identify joy busters.

Religion when manipulated by man can become a huge joy buster. Satan has really used this one. People go to God hoping to find some joy and man has often created God in their image and created a theology (words about God) that ultimately steal the joy the people came to God hoping to find. This is tragic and probably needs a post all its own.

The truth is God is the source of our joy. I believe he is the source and the only place we can experience true joy. The kind of joy our heart longs for, that has nothing to do with a relationship, the job status, my bank account, the economy or whether the dog peed in the house or not. I think we look for joy in external things and the joy we desire is found first internally.

Joy is found on the inside. Kind of an inside out thing. It is found in our internal world, in the deep places of our heart and often a place we neglect to go or attend. Call it soul care, spiritual transformation whatever you want but there is a place deep within each of us that longs for attention and is the wellspring of life.

I like the idea of a "divine spark". God's word refers to Jesus as light. C. S. Lewis spoke of the little Christ in all of us. We teach about the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. These connect and fuel our divine spark. The Christ in us is a light a spark if you will that is intended to give us life. It is present but if not attended to or cultivated the spark wanes, the light fades. Does not go away but can be so muted that we experience anhedonia. Joy becomes something that is hard to experience.

So today I pose the question. "What are some things in your life that are stealing you joy?" Beware there are many. The world we live in is all about pouring cold water on you divine spark. Identify the joy busters in you life and get rid of them, move away from them, don't empower them to steal you joy.

Then start to attend your divine spark. Like a gardener caring for her garden take care of your heart. Pull some weeds, use some fertilizer, sit in the garden of your heart and meet God again.If you want to be warm stand by the fire, if you want to be wet get in the water, if you want to know joy go to the source. Slowly I believe our divine spark can begin to glow brighter and brighter. It can begin to light our path. It is the cure for anhedonia. You can rediscover joy and joy is contagious. Once we start to experience it, others are blessed by it. So find your joy and share it with the world around you.

Peace, todd

A Divine Appointment

2009-03-03T07:03:00.000-08:00

I am currently re-reading the Shack. Have been fascinated at the buzz this book has created. Young has stirred-up something significant even if he has made many uncomfortable, even mad. I am re-reading because of a men's group that I am, who wanted to read and discuss. This read I am moving through the book with a little different view. I came across something last week that jumped off the page.

Papa has invited Mack back to the shack. While pondering, if God would send a message and even if he had why would he want Mac to return to the shack. Mack ask this question. "And why the shack- the icon of his deepest pain?" I would argue that if you get nothing from this book this is a question worthy of thought.

Young tackles many big ideas in this book. But none more important than this idea of God meeting us at the deepest place of our pain. If I ask you today, " what is the deepest wound of your heart?" What comes to mind? Is there something that comes quickly but you push it back and search for something a little more comfortable. Something that maybe does not hurt quite as bad. Maybe you know exactly what the deepest pain is and that thought brings strong emotion and the idea that the pain and heart ache you feel will never go away.

Why would God want to meet us at that place? Why would a loving God want us to revisit that pain and heartache? Maybe you have even thought. "How could a good God have ever allowed that to happen to me?" Where was he when this happened and why did he not step in and do something, anything? All of these are fair and good questions.

On the other side maybe you have chosen to believe, bad things happen to good people every day and that is just how it is. I just need to have faith and get over it. Be strong, don't question and just move on. No need to dwell on the past it does no good. I will somehow just pretend this never really happened and move on. I guess at some level I understand this attitude as well. It is basic survival. A kind of pain avoidance.

But what if God wanted each of us to revisit our own personal "shack". The icon of our deepest pain. Not live there, not go there and stay forever, but go there so we could find healing and wholeness.

I believe it is at the place of our deepest wound, that we can find God. It is at this place we can discover once and for all that God is real. We can discover at this place of helplessness and vulnerability that God is in fact good. I think if you strip everything away that really is the question we and the world are asking. "Is God good?" "Can God be trusted?"

The place of our deepest wound would suggest that he is not good, that he can not be trusted. That he will not show up when you need him the most and will only disappoint. I get why people would believe this. But I know if you are brave enough to visit you own personal shack and when God shows up and he will, something changes in your life. The reality of the one true living God starts to heal. You discover that he can be trusted, that he is faithful. You are given new eyes and a new heart.

So do you have a divine appointment? If so, be brave, walk into the pain believing God will meet you there. It will be risky, hard and painful. How is that for encouragement? Is is worth the risk. And much better than the alternative.

If you have visited you own personal shack, tell others about it. People need hope, they need to know the reality of a living and loving God. At some level this book Young has written has given people hope. You story will do the same. Share it!

Peace, todd

Getting God Fit

2009-02-24T10:39:00.000-08:00

I really enjoy exercising. Especially with the kettlebell. The kettlebell is the bomb diddy and I do not even know what that is, but it is better than good. I have a Dr.'s order not to do kettlebells for two weeks. I am sure he was concerned that I was getting to strong for my own good. So I am going to have to run more over the next two weeks. The best part of running is that I can think while running.

Yesterday I had several cool thoughts but one that is going to stick. I was running and thanking God for the time he has given me to exercise. Just reflecting on the blessing I receive from exercise and glad that the Father has given me that joy. I then decided for a time I would give God the time back plus 10%.

So here is what that will look like. I ran for 28 minutes and did some work in the garage with Jerod later for about 40 minutes. So I got to exercise for an hour and 8 minutes yesterday. Today I will give that time back to God plus 7 min. Today I will spend an hour and 10 minutes, listening to God, reading his word, writing in my journal and praying. I am really excited about this. This morning my time was wonderful and I will finish later tonight.

The Lent season starts tomorrow and I have decided this will be what I give up for lent. I have no sense that I am really giving anything up, I guess that is OK. I think God has given me a win win. I get to exercise and I get to spend time with Abba. Life is good.

Peace, todd

What's Love Got To Do With It?

2009-02-17T12:54:00.000-08:00

What's love got to do with it? Sounds like a good line for a song. I have a few thoughts left over from valentines day. I am not a big fan of valentines day. It is a marketing racket that forces you to do something nice for you sweetie. The whole thing seems to loose some validity when you and every other guy on the planet does something nice for someone they love. And by the way if this is the only time you do something special for that special person in your life, "shame on you."

I am seeing more and more that love is a choice. V-day seems to eliminate some of your ability to choose. You can choose the type of flowers, the special gift or where you might go to eat, but the choice has been made for you when all of this is going to happen. For me something is lost in this. It feels forced. But I am straying from my real thought here. Was not really intending to rail on V-day just that I am not a fan. Although it did cause me to think a little about love. So, what does love got to do with it?

I have decided that maybe love has everything to do with it. Scripture tells us that, "God is love". This seems the very essence of who God is. It is funny to me how we attempt to explain God. Explain him, explain how and why he does the things that he does. Even though he clearly states in scripture, "My ways are not your ways." I don't fully understand God and actually kind of glad that I don't. But I do think about the fact that his love must be very different. A more excellent kind of love. A love I wish I could extend to others more often.

Maybe the challenge then begins how we would define love. That is where we get in trouble. Many ideas about what love really is. Most of them have to do with feelings and emotions. Specifically our own feeling and emotions. I have a thought, and it is just a thought related to this idea that God is love.

I think it is safe to say God's love is not based on an emotion that comes and goes like the Texas wind. Safe to say as well that his love is not based on, "what have you done for me lately." Some how he does not love one more than another. His love does not hinge on my response or lack of it. His love really is other. It is other than how we typically define love.

God's love seems to be a choice. He has simply chosen to love. That kind of love is other. It would not sale very easy in our culture. What if you told a man who grips about his wife, "you need to simply choose to love her." What about the wife who's husband forgot V-day again! The council was simply, "you can choose to love him." People would be lining up for that kind of council. Wouldn't they?

God's love is transforming. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that, he has chosen to love. So, what's love got to do with it? Maybe everything, "but hey, it's your choice."

Peace, todd

With You I Am Well Pleased

2009-02-10T09:20:00.000-08:00

One of the big moments in the life of Christ, was his baptism. God affirmed him that day in a public way. He blessed him with the words, "you are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." God models to fathers and mothers how important the words are that are spoken over our children. I want to publicly affirm my son Michael.

Michael is our oldest and a Sr. this year. Hard to believe he is in his final months of high school. This reality makes his mother sad and makes me reflective. Tonight is senior night for the basketball team. One of many things that will take place over the next few months that will mark the end of this season of Michael's life. So today I reflect on Michael's basketball career.

Michael has taught me some valuable lessons through his basketball journey. I will be a better father in this area for Mason and Madison because I got to practice on Michael. Mason and Madi you really owe your brother a huge thank you for this. Maybe even a big hug. Michael I have told you many times. This was uncharted territory for both of us.

Michael taught me I was his dad not his coach. These are very different functions. The gift I have been given is to be Michael's dad first. I would forget this sometimes. Dad's love and encouragement are to be first. They also instruct from time to time but I would get the order backwards sometimes. I am slowly learning to not lead with instruction. It was often heard as criticism. I have started to see that now, but did I mention it is senior night. We are at the end and I am just know starting to see some of this.

Here is the subtle difference. When I lead with love and encouragement I am communicating my value is in Michael as my son. When I lead with critique and coaching I think I sometimes communicated his value was somehow tied to how he played basketball. Not a good message to send to my son.

So on senior night I want Michael to know. "It really has never been about basketball. It has always been about you." Understand I enjoy basketball and I have enjoyed watching you play. But it was never about basketball, it has been about you.

So on senior night I want you to know how much I love you and how proud I am of you. You have modeled perseverance. Something you will need in life. You have worked through set-backs and disappointment. Broken wrists and sprained ankles did not stop you. You never said "why me", you stayed the course and are finishing well. I told you they do not typically give awards or do write ups for team players. But you have modeled what it means to be a team player. You have done what the coaches have ask you to do. You have worked to fill your role whether a starter or a key person off the bench. You have been about team and that is a quality we do not see much anymore.

I love the young man you are growing into. Your time playing ball will help you as you move on to the next season of life. Your hard work, dedication, perseverance and being a team player will be characteristics that help you succeed. I believe at the core of this is a faith that I am seeing in you more and more. A faith that is becoming your own. Keep wrestling with that, keep searching and remember God is faithful.

Today I echo the words of the Father. "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased."

Love you Michael!

Peace, dad

Thank You Sir, May I Have Another

2009-02-05T10:09:00.000-08:00

Have you figured out that in the Kingdom things seem to be upside down. I am convinced the closer our walk with God becomes the more we start to notice how opposite He is from the world we live in. God is trying to teach me something and I am slowly starting to listen. His world is other.

God is clear He wants all of me. The struggle for me then becomes. How much of my life am I willing to submit to Him? I ask God to fill me with His presence and He is always willing, but He understands better than I that the process at best can be a little uncomfortable and at times even down right painful.

Here is one of the ways God is other. The world is all about pain avoidance. It promotes comfort, quick fixes and raising to top as quickly as possible and if you cut a few corners or walk over a few people on the way, so be it. God calls us to lay down our lives. A process that involves dying to self. But somehow in God's economy when we die to self we actually find life. Doesn't really jive with the typical day to day message we hear in the world. But maybe we need to listen with a different ear.

Last night on Lost. If you are not watching this show be reminded, God's grace is sufficient. Sawyer and Locke are having a conversation. Sharing a quick, not exact summary here. Sawyer is questioning Locke about some past events and the pain and discomfort they created for Locke. Sawyer basically says, "Don't you wish you had made a different decision and avoided the pain it caused. Locke's answer is "other". He responds, "No, because I would not be where I am today." He understood that, discomfort for a time ended up being life giving.

Last night I picked up some anti-inflammatory cream for my elbow that a Dr had prescribed. I rubbed it on before I went to bed and this stuff lite me up. I thought my flesh was burning from the inside out and literally could not sleep for the majority of the night. I called the Pharmacist this morning wondering why he would give me battery acid in a tube to rub on a already aching elbow. He explained how the medicine worked to block pain receptors and said something very interesting. "This is going to sound counter intuitive, (ding-ding) but what you need to do when the pain gets to intense is put some more cream on." I am thinking, "are you nuts, I just lost a night of sleep because I put this cream on my elbow, and you are telling me the thing that cased the pain will actually help relive the pain if I put more on. Sounds like a bad plan to me.

His instruction was "other". It made no sense and I did not want to follow his directions. But I also want my elbow to heal. For two months I have had no relief with methods that were comfortable. So this morning I followed his advice even though I did not want to and so far it has not been as bad as it was last night.

What if the pain we feel sometimes, even the pain we feel that is God inflicted, is pain that might lead to healing. What if God loves us so much, He would be willing to let us experience pain and that pain was our path to healing and wholeness. That my friend is other. It is counter intuitive.

God's ways are not our ways. I tend to forget that some days. God is eternal and He sees through a totally different lens. I believe God understands, a little pain that can move us closer to Him, to wholeness, healing and dependence on a loving God is well worth it in the long run.

Peace,todd

Have some Faith and pass the Cream

2009-02-02T13:08:00.000-08:00

Growing up we lived with my Grandparents for a while. They lived on a farm in Missouri. It was actually a wonderful place for a young boy to experience life. Rummaging through an old barn, playing in the hay loft or exploring the woods I was always content. No need for video games or even playmates there was always an adventure and many lessons to learn if you were attentive to the world around you.

We also had dairy cows that were milked each morning and night. Which also meant we had fresh milk in the fridge at all times. This milk was very different than the milk my children drink today. After sitting in the fridge the cream would rise to the top of the milk. You could either stir it up or skim it off the top, but left alone the cream and milk would separate even though they were in the same glass jar.

Today I realized faith and religion are very similar to cream and milk. You can mix the two together and while similar they tend to want to separate themselves. Let me explain.

I have listened to my self and others for years talk about the difference between faith and religion and have know they are different but have not always been able to articulate that difference. Today I believe they are very different. They can coexist but it is important to understand the difference.

The Apostle Paul calls us to "live by faith not by sight". Religion tends to give us a visible road map we can follow. Faith calls us "to be sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Religion calls us to plans and processes that have shown they will work.

Seth Godin says it this way in his book Tribes. "Religion at its best is sort of a mantra, a subtle but consistent reminder that belief is okay, and that faith is the way to get where you are going. Religion at it's worst reinforces the status quo, often at the expense of our faith."

Those words jumped off the page at me. Go back and read his quote again. Religion is in no way bad, unless it gets in the way of faith. I believe in my own life and what I have seen in the lives of others, our religion often does get in the way of our faith. The church today does not need any more religion. She needs more faith. Jesus was first and foremost a man of great faith. He pushed the envelope, he challenged the status quo and pushed back on the religious leaders of his day. He refused to settle, he hoped for what was not seen and he knew God had more to offer his people.

Faith always leads to hope and it overcomes fear. If there was ever a time in our world that people needed to experience more hope and less fear it is now. So go skim some faith off the top of your religion and lets be the body of Christ to the world around us.

Peace, todd

More Hugs Please

2009-01-27T19:44:00.000-08:00

I am a big fan of hugs. I like to be on the receiving end of a good hug and a love to extend a hug to others. Have been reminded of this twice in the last few days. I will share one and then hope you will watch the other.

I ran to Costco Sunday afternoon to grab a few things. May have been the busiest I have ever seen Costco. I waited in line, seizing this moment as a gift from God to work on patience. I spotted Dave Lewis, one of my favorite guys in the world. He was two lanes over with his lovely wife Pam. I left my cart, weaved through a sea of people, reached over the counter and grabbed his arm. He looked up and I extended my hand and said hello. Dave would have none of that, he spread his arms leaned over the counter and gave me a big bear hug. It was great, right there in the middle of groceries, carts and people. We spoke briefly and I walked back to my cart.

I thought as I walked back, I want to be more like Dave. For him a handshake was not sufficient. When you see a friend you love you don't shake hands and it doesn't really matter where you are. You give each other a big hug. I decided I needed more hugs and I needed to give more hugs.

This morning Stuart sent me a video about hugs. For me just a confirmation to be a committed participant in the hug revolution. You have to watch this video. It is beautiful and a sweet reminder of how important it is to reach out. To look for opportunities to be Jesus with skin on. I am confidant Jesus is a good hugger. So, I am saying "more hugs please", and I am inviting you to join me.

Peace, todd http:/epicfeats.com/media/p/195.aspx

Amazing Grace How Sweet the Smell?

2009-01-25T14:00:00.000-08:00

I received a thoughtful and practical gift today. You really need to try this stuff. It is call No.2 poo spray. Here is how it works. You spray the poo spray on the water in the stool before you go number 2 and this stuff absorbs the smell. You finish your business and magically leave the room smelling fresher than when you entered it. Only a true friend would give you this kind of gift, (thanks Christina).

Naturally my thoughts turned to God as I pondered this amazing product. I thought about the prophet Isaiah who said "All our righteous acts are like filthy rags before God". I am guessing filthy rags would have an unpleasant smell coming from them.

Paul says "We are the aroma of Christ". Now if I put the two thoughts together; on my own I stink, but with Christ I emit not a stench but a sweet aroma. I am reminded that Christ really does cover my sin and the stench that sin produces. He then presents me holy to a righteous God. That's much better than poo spray.

So today I am encouraging you to first bathe in God's amazing grace. It will make you smell better. Then go find some No. 2 poo spray, and it will make your bathroom smell better.

Peace, todd

A Few Thoughts On Martin Luther King Jr

2009-01-19T14:20:00.000-08:00

I am fascinated by Martin Luther King Jr. I wish I new more about this great man. I believe he was a prophet who answered the difficult call to be God's mouth piece for a nation. Historically being a prophet seldom goes well in this life

Dr. King spoke of freedom. I believe the freedom he spoke of had many facets but that it was rooted in the biblical teaching of freedom. I believe the freedom he spoke of flowed out of the teaching of Christ who said "you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." He understood that freedom had to start with spiritual freedom if we were ever going to be a country and people who lived under the banner of freedom.

Dr. King understood that sin always separates. It separates families, couples, ethnic groups, cities, states and countries. That fear flows out of sin. That the fear of those who are different keeps both parties in bondage. Fear fosters oppression and abuse, hate and hostility. But that Christ offered something radically different.

The movement that this man lead was motivated by christian love. He did not just speak of this love as some theory or teaching but he demonstrated this love and called his followers to do the same. He understood the kind of love that was born out of the freedom Jesus taught about and modeled was unique. This love healed relationships, that it created reconciliation and respect for others.

As I reflect on his life today I am reminded how radical the teachings of Jesus Christ really are. Dr. King took those teachings very literal. He understood that freedom, true freedom flowed out of non-violence. That turning the other cheek was not a weak position but a position of power. I do not believe there has been anyone in modern times who has demonstrated love for humanity any better than Martin Luther King Jr. This man followed the way of Christ.

Our world is a better place today because of the message he spoke, suffered and ultimately died for. Not surprising as you look back over time. We have never been very fond of prophets because they speak the truth and yet, "the truth will set you free."

Peace, todd

Oscar or Elmo

2009-01-15T11:43:00.000-08:00

I find myself in a bad mood this morning. Not even sure why but grumpy and irritable. Kind of like Oscar the grouch. Now I am thinking Oscar being grouchy makes some sense. He lives in a trash can and people are always throwing junk in it. I would be grouchy too. Oscar seems to enjoy the trash but maybe he does not know anything different.

I on the other hand do know something different. I am not enjoying being grumpy and pretty sure no one else is. I was pre Elmo days but he seems to be the opposite of Oscar. That guy seems to be eternally happy. Maybe even too happy, if that is possible but the guy is happy. So I am thinking I can choose. Do I want to be Oscar today or Elmo?

Choice is one of the greatest gifts the Father has given us. It is very empowering. So I am reminded I can choose. I choose not to be Oscar any more today. Not sure I have Elmo in my DNA but I choose to be a little more like Elmo this afternoon.

Peace, todd

Hot, Cold and Adam

2009-01-14T07:44:00.000-08:00

Natalie was sharing with me last night about a science training she had attended. They had discussed a lesson for students helping them understand that there is really no such thing as cold only the absence of heat. I guess the reality is cold does not exist only the absence of heat. The same idea would relate to darkness. No such thing as darkness only the absence of light. Light exist darkness does not.

These scientific realities make sense to me at some level, but when I walked out of my house at 5:15 this morning, my reality was it was very cold and dark. But maybe our reality is not always true. What about life and death?

We understand that when a heartbeat stops and there is no breath a person is dead. I have sat with families in a hospital and watched a monitor flat line and the nurse check the vitals and say he has passed. I have buried people who are dead, just a corpse in a casket lowered into the ground.

But Jesus said he defeated death, it was no more. It is like hot and cold. No cold only the absence of hot and in Christ there is only life no death. It simply does not exist. But like my experience this morning with the cold and darkness, death does seem to exist.

Saturday morning 12 friends huddled in a circle on the Katy trail. Some were new friends some old. We thanked God for the life of Adam Langford. Each of us holding on to different memories. We gathered to complete a run for Adam. He wanted to run 30 miles on his 30th birthday. He could not do that so we did it for him.

The absence of heat made the wind sting as it hit our skin. The absence of Adam made the tears sting in our eyes. Adam running 30 miles on his 30th birthday would have been a much better story and one he would of told to the delight of many. The reason for running and the absence of Adam reminds us of death. Death feels cold, but again I am told cold does not exists.

My reality that Saturday morning as friends hugged, cried, prayed, talked and ran was life. What I experienced that morning was life, in some ways life at it's best. Adam was with us but certainly in a different way and not the way each of us wanted.

Maybe death does not exist and maybe cold does not exist, but I wish Adam being gone did not feel so cold.

Peace, todd

Hope for the Hopeless

2009-01-08T08:35:00.000-08:00

It would almost seem silly for me to say there are times that I feel hopeless. But it is true. If you look at my life you would say that seems a little goofy. You might say that I have nothing to feel hopeless about and everything to feel hopeful about. That is also true and yet I find myself feeling hopeless some times. How about you?

I share this, acknowledging that I am a blessed man and yet sometimes I feel hopeless. Not even sure why sometimes. Some of it seems to come from this understanding that God has so much more for me and I can't seem to step into it or just simply refuse to receive it. Either way it seems to be about me and then I think it is not suppose to be about me it is suppose to be about him.

I have told Michael who is about to graduate that we would give him a computer for a graduation present. He shared with me this week a good friend is maybe going to sell his MacBook and wanted to know if we could buy it and he would pay for half of it. I told him we could discuss that if and when his friend decides to sell. But I am thinking, "why would you buy something used and pay half when I have told you we are going to buy you a new computer and pay for it ourselves." Seems silly to me and we will have that conversation at some point.

But maybe I am the same way with God and hope. Maybe I try to get my own hope through my own power and end up being a little dissatisfied. I wonder if God is not saying to me "Todd I will give you what you need, I will give you more, transform you into the man you were created to be and the man you desire to be." Maybe it is there, right in front of me and I just continue to try and take care of it myself and end up feeling a little hopeless.

Today I felt the sun on a cool morning and felt some hope. Thanks God! Today I was reminded there are people pursuing God and loving people and doing it in the name of Jesus and not the name of some denomination. It gave me hope, thanks God. Today I was reminded what a gift my wife and children are and I felt hopeful. Thanks again. Today I was reminded that everyday is a new day to know God and make him know, and I felt hope.

Wow! I am feeling much more hopeful. Thanks God!

Peace, todd

Let It Be

2008-12-18T07:39:00.000-08:00

Not even going to speak to the fact I have not been on here forever. Oh wait I just did. Funny how easy it is to not do some things in our life we really desire to do. So here I go again to make another run at blogging. Maybe this time it will stick.

Had a few thoughts this morning that I wanted to share with someone. I really struggle sometimes with the way I am wired-up which seems to to be very different than the norm. Here are a few things I believe and things I am pursuing and maybe they are not as normal as I think they are or should be. Here is the short list this morning.

1) Being is more important than doing.

2) God's love is more important than the praise of people.

3) Being together is better than being alone.

My life is driven by a desire to live in community. Community with God, my wife and kids and the world around me. I believe that above list is connected to this and when you leave out one is messes up the pursuit of community.

I wonder why doing is so important? Why is it so hard to just be who we are and rest and relax in that?

Why do we make people so BIG and God so small?

If we are all honest with ourselves which is sometimes hard if we are busy doing all the time. Don't we desperately want to be in community and relationship with people who love us not because of what we do but because of who we are?

I hope over the holidays you can rest and just be. For many this is almost impossible. I hope you can reflect on God's unique and powerful love for you. And I hope you will spend time with others you love and who love you.

Peace, todd

Haircuts and Church

2008-09-11T09:16:00.000-07:00

I had a beautiful random conversation with the lady who cut my hair today. I have moved to a place in my life where I just pull up to a hair salon walk in and take my chances. I figure it's just hair it will grow back. Today this women was obviously struggling a little. She did not have a clue what I do (ministry) which probably helped the conversation get started.

She started discussing freedom and that she did not have any. She was slave to the chair I was sitting in, slave to the man who financed her car, basically a slave to her circumstances. I listened and I believe I understood where she was coming from. What I really heard was a women who wants more for her life. I saw a women who had been wounded by people and the world we live in, some of the choices she has made. I saw a women who was looking for some hope.

I mentioned it must be really hard being a single mom. She stopped cutting my hair and came around and looked at me. We had not been talking about that, but it seemed to connect. She looked at me and said, "yeah, it really is." I seemed to connect with some of her pain and the conversation shifted. She teared up. The conversation shifted and turned much more personal.

I finally had to share with her what I do. Ask her not to hold that against me. She was gracious but quickly said she did not go to church. She had tried it over and over but it did not work for her.

I apologized for God's people not representing Him very well. I shared with her that God understood where she was at and had some answers. That freedom can be found in Jesus and it has nothing to do with our external circumstances but with what he is doing in our hearts. We visited a few minutes more and I left her with tears in her eyes but also a smile. A smile that seemed more hopeful than it had been before the conversation started.

I was reminded how the world will always disappoint, but that God is faithful. Reminded that God is redeeming his creation today. His heart is to make everything new. I like that about him. I was also reminded church is so much more than an hour on Sunday. The best church happens during the week, when we are sensitive to where the Spirit is moving and we jump in for the ride.

Peace, todd

Keeping It Real

2008-09-09T12:22:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed the Bibles speaks truths that are sometimes very uncomfortable? A friend recently was sharing a story with me of how they were providing council to another friend. They made the comment, "I just ask them, what is your heart saying?" The idea was that this persons heart would be a good indicator of the right thing. My first thought was "not so fast my friend."

I was reminded of God's word in Jeremiah 17:9. Which says this. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" I don't like that idea, but I believe it is true. In Romans 7, Paul tells us that sin is deceitful. Both of those passages are good reminders for me. I think the world is full of self-deceived people. I think often I am self-deceived.

This really bothers me. As much as I want to trust my heart, I know that often, it is flat out wrong. The challenge is that often my heart will try and protect me from pain. The reality of truth is that it often causes my heart to ache. When I look at the condition of this world through God's eyes my heart aches. When I am honest about my short comings and sin my heart aches. When I honestly examine the state of the church today there are pains in my heart.

I am reminded if I am not careful my heart will deceive me. I will convince myself that all is fine. No worries, no problems, life is good. I can easily find someone to compare myself to and decide I am doing much better than that guy. What happens is, if I stay in that place very long I become plastic. I start to loose my true identity and worse I start to loose my hunger and need for God.

I so much want to be real. To live with true authenticity. To expose my heart to God so that his Spirit can change it and make it new. I am asking God to create a clean heart and a steadfast spirit in me. A heart that feels the pain that is a reality in this life and reminds me that I was not created for this life. That I am on a pilgrimage, on my way home to be with the Father.

But while I am here he will give me a new heart. He will breath life into my dead heart and even allow me to share that life with others. I believe that Jesus did come that we might have life and have it more abundantly, and that life is now.

I am reminded it starts with an honest heart. A heart that feels both the pain and joy of this life. A heart that I am reminded today, desperately needs Jesus.

Peace, todd

Blessings Anyone?

2008-08-05T08:19:00.000-07:00

Do you ever find it hard to receive a blessing? Could be from a friend, a spouse maybe even from God. You are grateful but feel a little uneasy about it. I find blessings a very funny thing. I desire them, sometimes feel like I deserve one and then it happens and I'm not sure what to do with it.

Most of us are familiar with the idea that "it is more blessed to give than receive." I certainly find it easier to give than receive. But this idea does not eliminate receiving. Sometime we take ideas from scripture and make them mean more or different than the original idea. Giving is a blessing but it is also OK to receive. As children of God we are also taught to be needy of the things of God. If we are needy and I am, we would also need to expect and receive blessings.

I believe it is God's heart to bless us. But here is where it gets a little confusing. I believe he blesses us with what we need and not so much what we want. Sometimes as a child of God I get confused with needs and wants. Mason would eat cereal for every meal if I allowed that. I would not be a blessing to him to give him permission to do that. It would not be unhealthy.

The other part that gets screwy for me is thinking blessings are earned. If I'm a good boy God will bless me. That some how I deserve the blessings. Then the blessings become about my worthiness and good behavior. I try to earn them and then loose the joy when it happens.

Here is what I'm trying to grasp today. It is God's nature to bless me. Not because I'm good but because he is good. God's blessings are not about me deserving anything, it is about his nature to bless his children. More about him less about me.

It would be such a blessing if I could get that!

Peace, todd

Random Control

2008-07-31T12:02:00.000-07:00

Wow! I have been away for a while. Trying to get back in the blogging groove.

I am currently reading a book titled The Black Swan. It is a very cool book. At least the parts I understand. Here is the basic idea of a Black Swan. A Black Swan is a highly improbable event with three principal characteristics: It is unpredictable; it carries massive impact; and here is my favorite part; after the fact, we concoct an explanation that makes it appear less random, and more predictable, than it was.

In layman terms, life is much more random than we would like to believe. The author has created some very interesting thoughts for me. I know we are a people that love order and we prefer to be able to explain everything. We are actually pretty good at this. But I wonder sometimes if it is a defense mechanism. I wonder, if in our attempts to explain and understand everything we are really attempting to control the events and people in our day to day lives.

The challenge with this is we tend to focus on what we already know and not so much on what we don't know. Even as we seek information or data to support our belief or view we tend to gravitate towards information that will support what we already believe. I think we all do this, but I keep thinking it may not be the best plan. Maybe the more comforting way to go, but not always the best.

If we take this approach with culture, spouses, children, coworkers, our view of ourselves, God and many other things we run the risk of living with blinders and missing many beautiful things every day. We tend to fool ourselves into thinking we know more than we actually do. I believe when this happens we start missing opportunities to learn, grow and experience a bigger life.

God, is a great example. Many people in the world today seem to think they have him totally figured out. Just like the stock market. The truth is most stock analyst are educated gamblers, if there is such a thing. I'm pretty sure God is a little more complicated than the stock market. And yet many seem to think they have him all figured out. I'm not so sure I want to totally figure out God. I would like to think he is a little bigger and more complex than the human mind.

The danger is that when I get to a place that I have God figured out I'm not as receptive to what he might do outside of my understanding of him. God's word is full of Black Swan events that have impacted the world and we keep trying to explain most of them so that they make perfect sense and fit nicely into our limited understanding.

I think our lives are a little more random than most of us would like to believe. Not void of a plan and purpose, but not quite as easy to direct and control as we would like to believe. Maybe part of giving up our own will and submitting to God's will is understanding this. That God is moving and working in the world and in our lives but not always the way we think. God is not a God of chaos but he certainly seems to be going about things a little different than I would.

I'm not asking for any more chaos in my life. I'm just reminding myself today I don't have to have it all figured out. I'm empowered to make choices and decisions every day but there are many, many things far out of my scope of control. Doesn't need to stress me out. I can roll with it and might even learn something new about myself, my wife, God or this beautiful life going on all around me.

Peace, todd

Love Hurts

2008-07-09T13:10:00.000-07:00

While in Mexico with some of our youth group, I jokingly started singing the song Love Hurts. Focusing on the line, "love is like a flame it burns you when it's hot." Some of the kids laughed about this and I have had a few say to me since our return, "remember Mr. Mead, love hurts." All of this was done in jest and we still have a good laugh about it. But that idea has been stuck in my head. Maybe there is some truth to this idea that "love hurts."

The song was originally written by the Everly Brothers, 48 years ago this month. Many groups and individuals have re-done the song, but the version I am most familiar with was done by a group called Nazareth in 1975. It is actually a pretty good song. Not very original. Sounds like someone got dumped by a girl friend and has now realized love has the ability to hurt you.

I have been reminded recently that there is a high risk and reward process to love. The song says "love is just a lie made to make you blue." I would disagree. It can certainly make you blue. But it is not a lie. It is essential to our existence, and well worth the risk.

I have discovered that the ones we love the most have the ability to hurt us at very deep levels. To fully give our hearts away is a scary proposition. It leaves us naked and exposed. This is always a risk. The truth is some people refuse to take that risk. They think they can protect themselves from pain and then try to experience some small level of love that always leaves them wanting more. It happens in marriages, friendships, parents and children and children and parents, even fully loving ourselves.

The opening line says this, "Love hurts, love scars." I would agree. But maybe the scars simply reflect that we are alive. I think we should get to the end of our time here and have a few scars because we chose to love. You can play it safe and sit on the sideline, never allow your heart to fully love. You may pursue a life that will never experience the battle scars of love. If you take that path, your marriage will never be all it could be. Your friendships will never go to the level you desire them to be. You will not leave the imprint on the world that God intended for you to leave.

Go ahead, be risky. I guess love does hurt, but the blessings of fully loving, quickly wash away the pain.

I am reminded that God's word tells us that "God is love." With that thought I will leave you with a quote I found, from Sir James M. Barrie.

"If you have it (love), you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have."

Peace, todd

Shout Out To Blessings!

2008-06-30T12:19:00.000-07:00

Just got back from an incredible week in Mexico. I went with our youth group and my beautiful daughter, Madison. Will need a few post to share some of that experience. It was pretty cool. Today as I get back to reality, I'm thinking about little blessings in life.

Often these are little things that we tend to miss and they are happening all around us every day. Here is the challenge though. I think some of the greatest blessings are the ones that happen when we are not looking for them. You ever been disappointed on Christmas day or maybe a birthday. You were expecting something big and it was not quite as big as you had built it up to be in your mind. Those are blessing that we are expecting. Kind of like doing something for someone and then expecting a certain response and when we don't get the response we are a little bummed. Again, we are looking for an expected blessing. Expected blessings lead to disappointment.

Blessing are like gifts. I think they mean more when we don't expect them. A couple of weeks ago I got a SIGG water bottle from a couple of friends. (Thanks Karen and Karla) I was not expecting to get a water bottle and certainly not one with such a high cool factor. It made my day and every time I use it, I'm reminded of little blessings. Plus, I think water taste better when drinking from a SIGG.

While I'm writing this I'm listening to, We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things, by Jason Mraz. Besides a great title, he has a very cool sound, one of the types of music I really enjoy. I did not know anything about Mraz last week. I was talking about music with some of our teens. They put this in for me to listen to. They turned me on to several musicians that were new to me. Aside from having to spend money on some new tunes, a cool unexpected blessing.

My water bottle and new music have reminded me to be more aware of the little daily blessings of life. They remind me to be more sensitive to what is going on around me each day and not miss the little things.

I am also reminded of all the people that bless me every day. Pretty amazing if you think about it. How God puts people in our lives that bless us. I want to be that person. The one who is a blessing. How about you?

Peace,

"Amazing Grace" I Want Some Of That!

2008-06-20T07:16:00.000-07:00

Guilt is a fascinating reality in my life. Guilt happens for me when I "should of on myself." Just for the record, you shouldn't "should of on yourself." Wait, I think I just did. See, this guilt thing gets real screwy.

This morning Mason, Doug and I were going through our workout out front. My neighbor comes out to leave for work and says, "you guys are making me feel guilty", and ready, here it comes. She said "I should be working out." She dropped the dreaded, "should of" on herself. It reminded me that feeling guilty is my choice. Guilt is climbing in a bath full of condemnation and choosing to sit in it for a while. God's word says, "there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

Michael broke both his wrist in a basketball game Saturday night. We were playing in a tournament and I was coaching. The game had gotten out of hand. We were up by 60 and several guys had been trying to get a dunk. I was a little uncomfortable with that wanting the guys to finish the game and move on to the next one with no injuries. Michael had already gotten a sweet dunk, his first in a game and wanted one more. He went up to dunk with two hands and swung to much, his hands came off the rim and he feel head first, broke his fall with his hands and broke both wrists. I have chosen to feel guilty about that all week. Feeling like I could have prevented it from happening.

Guilt is like a stinky shirt we choose to put on and wear. I am weary of wearing a stinky shirt all week. My neighbors words reminded me this morning that it was my choice. I had chosen to "should of on myself." I put it on and I can take it off.

I am reminded today that God's grace is sufficient. You and I were not created to walk through this life being burdened by guilt. I just wish it weren't so hard to extend that grace to myself.

Peace,

Fathers Day and Rain

2008-06-17T13:10:00.000-07:00

I am still processing fathers day! That particular day has always been a struggle for me. Growing up it always served as a reminder that I had no father to say, "Happy Fathers Day Dad, I Love You!" to which I'm sure he would have replied "I Love You too, son." Not having a dad presented several challenges for me.

First by not having a dad I would create in my mind what my dad would have been like. I'm sure that the father son relationship I had created in my mind was not very close to reality. The dad I created was perfect, he was a dream dad, literally and figuratively. What I have learned after being a father for 17+ years and working with teens and adults for 20+ years and is there are not any perfect dads out there.

The other challenge is that I believe dads are suppose to affirm and bless their children. I have always wanted that father blessing. I believe this father blessing, is very different and unique than any other blessing we get in this life time. With out it most of us walk through life with some type of limp. For some the limp is very noticeable and some of us hide it pretty well. But if you look close you will see it manifest itself somewhere.

Mine is now much like a bum knee that aches a little when it rains or when it is cold and damp. Just a reminder of a more serious wound that has healed. Scar tissue that reminds me of a deeper pain I use to feel.

Fathers day is like a cold rain. There is a little ache in the heart but not to bad.

God and Fitness

2008-06-12T10:35:00.000-07:00

I was visiting with a friend recently. I referenced in the conversation that someone I know really wanted "security in their life." This friend mentioned he had read something about security being a form of idolatry. I have continued to think about that and I believe I would agree.

There are some forms of security that would not be a bad thing. I attempt to secure my house every night. I check doors and make sure they are locked, check lights etc. This is a good thing to do, but I would acknowledge it has limitations. I crawl in bed feeling a little better but realize if someone wants in bad enough they will get in. So do I lay awake all night listening for any noise getting up and checking doors and windows? No I go to sleep trusting my family and I can sleep with some assurance of security. A pretty normal process for each of us.

What about relationships, money, careers, my stuff, my heath? Here is where security can get a little screwy. I want security in my relationship with my wife. I want to trust her and know that she will be there for me. But how much control do I have over her? At times in our twenty+ years together I have tried to control her. It didn't work very well for either one of us. And if it gave me any security it was an allusion, not real security.

What about financial security? I know people who pursue it all their lives and it can be taken away in an instant. I am not suggesting we should be careless when it comes to finances. God calls us to be good stewards. But how much of our security in life is based on the balance in our checkbooks? By the way, my checkbook is not providing a great deal of security.

What about health? I work hard in this area, exercise hard (Kettlebells), eat pretty well and yet there are some things totally out of my control related to health. So how much stock do I put in health? You tracking with me here?

End of the day much of the security in this life is about control. The reality here is, I like to be in control. And when I choose that path I attempt to provide my own security. I basically choose to dismiss God, and become my own god. And shazam! I now have idolatry.

The truth is, as much as I would like to be god. I'm not very good at it. So my friend's comments remind me, that my security needs to be in God. Trusting that he will be faithful. It's that whole enjoying today and not being anxious about tomorrow. Chasing security and trying to control this life, robs me of my joy and peace.

Plus if I let him be God, it gives me more time to workout.

Peace,

Mowing, Jack Johnson and God

2008-06-09T09:21:00.000-07:00

I was edging the yard Saturday and Mason was mowing. I was reminded that life is always better together. I enjoy working in the lawn for the first few months of the summer. By August I am tired of it, although it already feels like August. To edge, weed eat and mow takes me several hours. But with Mason mowing and me edging and weed eating we were only in the yard about an hour. Perfect!

This mowing experience with my son reminded me of Jack Johnson and God. I will explain. Jack has a great song called, Better Together and God created you and I to do life in community, together with others. I really believe God created us with the understanding that life really is better when lived out together, in relationships.

Can you remember a time when you were living your life in isolation out of community with people? I believe our world is full of lonely people. There are all kinds of goofy reasons and lies we believe that lead us to a place of loneliness, isolation and out of relationship with others and God. But we were not created to do life alone.

So if you need a little community come on over. You can pick. The mower or the edger. We can mow, get my yard looking good, go inside get a cold drink, listen to Jack and enjoy life. Because it really is better together.

Peace,

Batman God and Underdog

2008-06-04T19:11:00.000-07:00

Is Batman a super hero? Most would respond pretty quickly, either yes or no. I guess we would make our decision based on our personal definition of super hero. Take away his utility belt and he is just another rich guy concerned about mean people and injustice, not necessarily a super hero. It is funny how we make decisions about people based on information from key sources in our life and life experiences.

What about God. Who is he and what is he really like? Scripture says that you and I were created in the image of God both male and female. Now this obviously has nothing to do with our anatomy. Because there is a difference. Won't get into that today, maybe another time. It is safe to say that there are qualities and characteristics about you and I that mirror the image of God. That is actually pretty cool. We are each beautiful based on that reason alone.

Back to Batman. I don't really care if you think he is a super hero or not. We can debate that, argue that and at the end of the day, doesn't really matter. What does matter is what you and I think about who God really is. I believe we were created in the image of God and have turned around and tried to create God in our image. It is funny how we get things all backwards, from time to time.

I guess I get why we do this and maybe it is not always a bad thing. But creating God in our image doesn't work very well. We put limits on him, make him something he is not and really make the whole God thing confusing. We confine him to our limited understanding and experiences, or put all our stock in what someone else says that he is. God said, "My ways are not your ways." He was pretty clear with Job, that Job was going to have a difficult time fully grasping the ways of God.

For some reason I'm pretty comfortable with this. In fact I don't want to fully understand God. I really like God's response to Moses. He told Moses to tell the people that "I Am" sent you. It reminds me that God is God that is enough.

Batman is much easier to debate. The whole utility belt bugs me. You take that away and he is not that impressive. Now Underdog on the other hand, "a true super hero" but that's another blog.

Peace,

To Grow Or Not To Grow

2008-06-03T20:09:00.000-07:00

Walking home Sunday I had a thought. "Can you experience growth without some level of discomfort?" I am talking about any kind of growth. Physical growth, emotional growth, spiritual growth, don't all of these require some level of discomfort.

My 14 year old daughter tells me her legs hurt because she is growing. I think we call those, "growing pains." So my thought is maybe growing pains happen in every area of growth or change. You have heard the phrase, "he learned a hard lesson', same idea. He had to learn something through some level of pain.

C. S. Lewis wrote a great book entitled The Problem With Pain. He wrote this book after losing his wife to cancer. His insights for this book were birthed out of loss and grief. Back to this idea that pain or discomfort seem to always be part of change and growth.

But here is the problem. Myself and most people are not real fond of low levels of discomfort and certainly not full blown pain. So I become pretty good at avoiding pain. Actually our current culture is very skilled at pain avoidance. We do all kinds of goofy things in an attempt to avoid any kind of discomfort. We work, we drink, we shop, we stay very busy, we pursue stuff, look at pornography, gamble, pursue shallow relationships, we do religion, ignore our hearts anything to avoid the pain we sense in our lives.

So many of us don't grow into the people we were called and created to be. So I'm thinking "can I grow with the absence of pain in my life?"

I really want to grow. Ouch!

Peace,

Double Vision

2008-05-30T17:03:00.000-07:00

Feeling a little philosophical today. That gets me in trouble sometimes. I keep thinking about a scene in the movie The Matrix. Neo the main character in the movie seems to know that something is not right in his world. Intuitively he realizes things are not what they seem. I often find myself in that same place. There are times I sense that much of what I focus on really has little significance. That much of what our culture focuses on really does not matter. It stirs something in my spirit and makes me very restless.

There is a great scene in the movie when Morpheous, the leader of a rebel group first meets Neo. He offers him a choice of two pills, one blue one red. One will open his eyes to see the world as it really is. One will let him go back to living his normal life, ignorant to realities of his world. Neo chooses the pill that will open his eyes to see things as they really are. Once he does that the adventure begins.

I'm afraid things are not as they seem. I know this and I get restless. Maybe its time for an adventure that I keep putting on hold.

Peace,

SOS to Yoda

2008-05-28T20:50:00.000-07:00

My kids think I am a Jedi Knight. Actually maybe not. I have told them that I am but have not been able to produce a convincing light saber or move anything with my mind. They may be on to me.

Sometimes I feel like a Jedi. Today was one of those days. "A disturbance in the force I feel." Today something in my spirit has been bugging me. Can't seem to figure it out. I have been trying to make contact with Yoda and he is obviously in another galaxy. Just my luck!

Peace,

Love Shack

2008-05-27T20:05:00.000-07:00

So I am reading this book called The Shack. I have fought it for months. I had to many people telling me "you have to read this book" not always a good thing. Andi brought it over yesterday and I stayed up till 12:30am reading. It is a good read. My problem has been every time I say the name of the book, The Shack, I want to bust out a chorus of B52's Love Shack Baby.

Now understand the two shacks in question here are very different. But I think I have found a significant connection. It would be LOVE.

What an over used word love is in our modern day vocabulary. I love pizza, my wife, the Sooners and coffee. Maybe not in that order but I say I love eighteen different things a day. I do love my wife but the other stuff, I just like a lot not really so much love. Listen today and see how many times you here someone say " Oh I just love _________!" (fill in the blank). I Wonder why we throw this word, love around so loosely and so often? Maybe because true love is so hard to find and especially hard to experience.

There is a great line in the book The Shack. "You were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation." That one got my attention. I have lived much of my life feeling unloved and having a hard time accepting others love. I recognize the limitations that puts on me but never really saw it that way. It is like all you want is to be loved but for some reason you just don't seem to experience the very thing your heart deeply desires.

I totally get how we can get to a place that we feel unlovable, but it's not true. The truth is each of us are lovable and worthy of love. But we have to believe that. If we don't believe that we automatically put limitations on our lives.

This all reminds me of one of my favorite verses in God's word.

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!

And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1

I need to remember that. Remember that the Father loves me. Not just loves me, but is lavish with his love. Kind of like he just keeps pouring it over my head with an endless supply. Walking in that kind of love every day would be very empowering, don't you think.

Peace,

So How's That Working For You?

2008-05-26T10:46:00.000-07:00

I am grateful for Memorial Day. Grateful that our country is willing to set aside a time to remember the men and women who have died for the pursuit of freedom. I am thankful for all those men and women. I also think about from this day forward and wonder if there is another way. Do people have to continue to die on the battle field. I ask my self today how is the whole war thing working?

I read an interesting quote this morning. Don't know who to credit it to, but here it is. "When the power of love is greater than the love of power, the world will be at peace." On this Memorial Day I remember the one man who truly came in the name of love. He offered and continues to offer a better way. His Kingdom is not one that leads with the kind of power we seem to gravitate towards.

In our Christian Country, (whatever that means) we lead with power and might. We even go off to war with God on our side using him as a pawn to validate or justify our pursuit of power and world dominance. Of course this is not original with us, it has been going on for centuries. We need to be honest, we are not pursuing peace as much as we are pursuing power. There is a big difference. That kind of power will never produce peace. It produces death. So we will continue to have Memorial Days.

So today I give thanks and remember the men and women who have served and died. I also remember the one who died so that this life could be different. He has been called "The Prince of Peace." That has a nice ring to it. I believe we have been pursuing a little peace.

"So how is this whole war thing working for you?"

Peace,

American Idol This Sunday

2008-05-24T13:58:00.000-07:00

I am teaching/preaching this weekend. Whatever you prefer to call it. I prefer teaching. It always creates some interesting dynamics for me. I really enjoy it and want people to be blessed by sitting and listening to me. I realize a big part of myself is weaved into the lesson, but I don't want it to be about me. I think teaching matters and should be a part of what we do when we get together. But I also believe we put way too much emphasis on it.

I believe in our American/Western culture we worship Pastors. I believe God calls this idolatry. He is pretty clear he is not a real big fan of this. We simply take him off the alter and put a man up there. Certainly not a new phenomenon, but still wrong.

I hope this weekend people will see Jesus and not too much of me. Let's save American Idol for Wednesday or whatever night it comes on. Oh wait, now we are back at idolatry. Darn maybe it's not just Pastors.

Peace,

I Hugged My Son

2008-05-23T08:26:00.000-07:00

Have you laughed until you cried or cried until you laughed? It seems the two are profoundly connected. Maybe the truth is to experience life to the fullest we must experience both the joy and the sorrow that are both a reality of this life.

Sometime my life gets out of balance in this area. I often find sorrow more comfortable than joy. That will not leave me in a happy place and my family and friends don't always know how to respond to that. I want more joy but sometimes find it allusive.

If the two (joy and sorrow) are so closely connected maybe I can find more joy in my sorrow.

My 38 year old cousin, Daniel Max Mead, took his life Wednesday. I guess he was overwhelmed with life and felt like ending his was the best option he had. Daniel was a good man with a good heart who needed more joy in his life.

On the phone with my mother discussing this today, the sorrow comes rushing in. I think I need to feel that for Daniel, his wife and kids, my Aunt and Uncle. Sometimes people try to run from sorrow and pretend it is not there. That life is only joy and good times. That can get as unhealthy as living with sorrow all the time.

I want to embrace the brokenness in my life and the world, taste sorrow when it is present. But, what Jesus models is that in brokenness I can find life, I can experience joy. So I want both. More joy because life is good, more joy because Abba loves me. I also want a heart that has compassion for the pain in my life and the lives of others. I want both and that's OK.

I experienced sorrow this morning and then I hugged my boy and I felt better.

Peace,

Birds and Poor People

2008-05-22T11:35:00.000-07:00

I went to my men's group this morning which I do each Thursday. Great group of men and always one of the highlights of my week. The text and conversation really challenged me. I continue to wrestle with it a bit.

The text was Matt. 6:25-34. This text encourages me not to worry about my life. Little things like what I will have to eat and the clothes I wear. Jesus uses the birds as an example. I love birds, but that is a different post. God takes care of the birds so I can trust that God will provide for me. I agree with this and have experienced it to be true in my life. So it seems pretty simple and I just need to not worry about stuff. Ready to move on to the next verses.

But wait! What about the people in our world who really don't have food, shelter or clothes to wear. I'm thinking about this but decide to let it go. One of the guys does not. He ask the question. "So what about all the people who don't have their basic needs taken care of"?

So the challenge for me is this. Is it true or not? Will God really take care of people the same way that he takes care of the birds?

Here is my resolution on this for right now. Understanding I always have the right to change my mind. Have I mentioned that I am a walking contradiction. Wait, that is another post.

We live in a fallen world. Bad things happen to good people every day. God has called his Church which includes me to care for those who don't have food, shelter and clothing. So why does the church and myself so often do such a poor job of caring for the basic needs of the world around us?

Through this process, that was the bigger and more difficult question for me. Then the text comes full circle. I don't live with open hands to the world around me because I worry. I want to have all the stuff I need like food, clothing, shelter, cars, TVs, cool running shoes, vanilla breve lattes, books(have I mentioned I like books), just lot's of stuff. Stuff that I really don't need. The truth is it is stuff I want. God is ready and willing to give me what I need.

So all that to say, I learned something today about God and myself. God will take care of my needs, and if I trust him I can then be more sensitive to the needs of others around me. I can be an extension of God's love and grace to the world that desperately needs to know him. What if the church (universal) started to take care of the poor and needy? Didn't put it on our governments or other organizations, but took seriously the call to take care of the needy.

I believe God wants us to do that. He wants me to do that. I hear him saying to me today. He is saying, don't worry about your stuff, don't live with your hands closed. Live with your hands open, trusting that I will take care of all your needs. He and I feed the birds and he wants you and I to feed and care for those in need. Living with no worries, just like the birds. But then I wonder. Do the birds worry about cat's. Oh wait, that would be another post.

Peace,

The Loving Father

2008-05-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

This picture has had a huge impact on my life. It is one of Rembrandt's spirituals titled, the Return of the Prodigal Son.

I was first introduced to it through a book by Henri Nouwen with the same title. I find myself in this picture. Let me explain.

This story found in Luke 15 has three main characters. The father, the elder son and the younger son. I find myself in each of these characters.

I relate to the younger son who basically says the father does not have my best interest at heart and I will go do my own thing. Been there do that.

I can also be the self righteous elder brother who thinks I'm doing things pretty well and even better than most. He really did not believe the father was really watching his back either.

Neither boy really believed that the father was good. Neither believed that the father could be trusted, that he would be faithful to them as his children.

This painting and the book forced me to put my focus somewhere else. This story really is about the loving father. A father who longs to be in relationship with all his children even me. This father sits up late at night waiting for me to come home. His heart aches when I wonder off trying to do life on my own. His love is based only on the fact that I am his. The more I understand this the more I want to be like the Father.

There is so much more to this picture. The prodigals shaved head and bare feet are significant. In his culture he was unacceptable, he had messed up big time but the Father does not even seem to notice. He is just elated that his son has come home. I see a father of compassion, love and grace.

I so much want to be that kind of father. I want to love my wife and kids unconditionally. I want to be in relationships where I extend compassion and grace.

I want to be like the Father. I think he would be just fine with that.

Peace,

Forward Motion

2008-05-20T10:25:00.000-07:00

I would suggest that much of life is simply forward motion. Taking risks, growing as a person, experiencing life, pursuing dreams, all of these require forward motion. We have to take steps toward those dreams and desires or they stay an arms length away. Today I am taking a step and creating forward motion. I have talked about blogging for a long time and simply would not take the simple steps to make that happen. Two months ago Natalie (my beautiful wife) informed me in the middle of the night, like 3:30 am that I should be blogging. It was rather random for her to be talking to me in the middle of the night and for her to say out of the blue "you really need to start blogging". So today it begins.

Sir Isaac Newton developed his three laws of motion. Now I am not really smart enough to fully understand these, but I do find them interesting. The first one states (1) an object in motion stays in motion until acted upon by an outside force. I don't really think Sir Isaac was talking about a spiritual truth here but I see one. I believe God created me for forward motion. So I wonder what is it about life that locks me up? What keeps me paralyzed and stops me from pursuing my dreams and walking fully in what God has called and created me to be? For me it is fear. I know fear is not from the Lord. So maybe Sir Issac was on to something here. I am striving to allow, as C.S. Lewis would say "the Christ in Me" to create forward motion.

Starting this blog is just on of many baby steps. I so enjoy this journey!

Peace,